A healthy relationship can feel boring and lonely when you’ve been used to toxicity, chaos and instability. Our nervous systems become conditioned to survive in the uncertain circumstances. When we are used to previous relationships, or even parents who bring us a lot of stress and anxiety, it becomes our lifestyle and what we feel comfortable in, regardless of what’s happening. The chaos makes us feel connected, the lack of independence makes us feel connected, the pushing and pulling makes us feel connected. We become used to, and comfortable with the highs and the lows consistently changing. We feel comfortable in the arguments and the lows because we know that the highs are coming next. It’s unpredictable and knowing the person will show up after the lows helps us feel connected, even though it’s unhealthy. When someone is giving us a lot one day, then taking it away the next, we become dependent on them. When we enter a relationship that is calm and healthy, gaining that independence back can feel lonely and scary. When we meet someone who is finally secure, we’re not used to feeling less chaos and more stability. Our nervous system doesn’t know what to do. It may look for red flags or arguments in order to get us back into the state it’s so used to and comfortable being in. It may try to pick arguments to get reassurance that we’re not alone because that’s what we’re used to. I’m not saying healthy relationships need to be boring. I’m saying they tend to be predictable, which is boring for someone who’s been thriving in chaos for years. But boring does not mean lack of fun. There are ways to keep your relationships intimate and fun that doesn’t involve those intense highs and lows. It’s about date nights, healthy communication, shared values, adventures, and love. Remember, if it feels boring it doesn’t always mean there’s a lack of chemistry, it can mean your body is finally calming down and slowly finding comfort in stability and predictably that you deserve. Ib @Thaísa | Healthy Relationships ❤️ . . . . . #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness